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[Sep. 2nd, 2007|01:40 pm] |
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I cant sleep at night, even when I am exhausted. Ive got to get a grip. I lay down, relax and get to the fringes of sleep before my heart rate increases and I get a knot in my stomach. I dont really have anything to stress over...not that much...so I suppose perhaps its homesickness, but frankly, I am tired...too tired even to miss you fine folk! Pray I get some sleep. Im am goingto resort to drugs soon...(of the benedryl variety) |
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[Aug. 21st, 2007|01:05 pm] |
Totally embarrassed myself tonight. Ran downstairs to grab some grocery essentials at the 7-11 in the lobby.
(Tofu, eggs, milk)
I hand the guy the money and he's looking at me confused.
He says something like, "Ahjhgduguduhgjdhgdjgkj"?
Since I cant speak Korean yet, I don't get it until he pulls a fiver from the till and I remember, "Oh, yeah, back in Korea now, the decimal goes over another zero.
(Just got back from a visa run in Japan)
So, I tried to pay using like, 50 cents instead of $5.00. I had to run back upstairs and grab more cash.
(Resorted to good old body language to convey that)
I have got to learn some Korean. Top on the list are "I'm sorry, I'm a moron" and "Excuse me, you completely oblivious pedestrian, who walks at the speed of a snail, please, just let me sidle around you".
Anyway, have my tofu dinner in order now.
PS. Cant decide on a snack. They appear to be strawberry flavoured cookies, but read, "Sweet sensation of Earl Grey"....I do enjoy having "Earl Grey, hot" but perhaps not in cookie form.... |
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[Apr. 28th, 2007|02:19 pm] |
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[Apr. 22nd, 2007|12:28 pm] |
Well, I switched programs andc I am now confident that this was the right thing to do. My class was fine, I was easily able to understand everything but I will have to work much harder. I was nervous because I did a lot better on the placement exam and got bumped up like, 13 chapters...so now the evils of transitive and intransitive verbs face me. Its like, oh and by the way, nearly every verb you know has a counter verb to be used for when the subject changes...enjoy!
Actually though, I do enjoy it. I am finally learning gobs and I will start to improve rapidly from here on out I suspect.
Gulp. I hope... |
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[Apr. 18th, 2007|07:59 pm] |
Oops, almost made a massive mistake with that. I switched from the CanonV80 to the Canon G55 because the Canon V80 doesnt have as large of an English to Japanese and visa versa dictionary as its made for Chinese students of Japanese. Fortunately caught it in time to fix the mistake. Felt like and idiot though.
Yikes...so i officially requested to switch programs. こわい. Tomorrow, I get to take the placement test again...hopefully Ill hold it together this time. Gulp. |
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[Apr. 16th, 2007|07:34 pm] |
For the record, I have purchased the Canon V80 blinged out dictionary. I would have just gotten the C55 but for some insane reason, the V80 was a sen cheaper than the c55 from this website called smartimports. So it will have a stylus with kanji drawing capabilities and everything. I am actually pretty excited about it. Just have to figure out how to send a Japanese money order...shouldnt be too hard, right...
Ok...gonna go do...stuff...and get 元気 somehow. Why do I always get so depressed here...I love it...I DO! |
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| 仕方がないことについて時々大変と思う |
[Apr. 16th, 2007|07:05 pm] |
Um...hi. Havent posted in a looong time, I know.
Today was stressful. Actually, I feel incredible stressed, but I dont have a good reason why.
I have to choose tonight, whether I switch from the AIJP program to the Silac program.
Silac is faster and I wouldnt have to waste my time learning to write kanji because its converstaion focused. My conversation is crap.
My teacher advises against the switch because it apparantly moves so quickly that students cant really thoroughly learn the material. My point is, as I have already technically learned the material and it wouldnt be completely alien to me, it might be ideal. I expressed to him my disappointment that we dont get homework everyday.He said that he would give me extra homework if I liked. He is so nice. I am sure I totally baffled him as I pulled a classic Molly and erupted into tears during this discussion. I am really stressed over this. Probably more stressed than I should be but because I have spent so much money to come here, the decision really is vitally important. And once I have switched to Silac, there is no going back.
After erupting into tears, I had to admit to myself that I am stressed and then try and sort out why. The bottem line is money. If I could afford to stay here another 6 months, or ::golden light and heavenly voices:: a year, then I could relax. However, I only have 3 months to learn and must cram as much as humanly possible into my brain. $7,000 worth. Its a lot of pressure, and I am very good at ladling on the pressure.
Silac is even slightly more expensive so I would have to call home and ask dad for the money. STRESS. I am 25 years old. I long be financially independant.
The other concern aside from money is that within my AIJP class, they actually placed me pretty well. Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses and the pace is a l;ittle slow for me but I can actually easily grasp what is going on and contribute without fear of humiliating myself. I had really low confidence at Bloomington because everyone was so much better than me (or so I percieved) and it became a terrible struggle. I dont want to shoot myself in the foot by getting in over my head. I DO need to be thorough in my foundational learning of Japanese or I will be forever to doomed to sound like an imbecile.
Deep psuedo-cleansing sigh. I am just praying and trying to relax. After all, either way, i am bound to learn a lot. Which is not enough...(Oh I am in a really defeated mood!) I think i had unrealistic expectations for myself. You cant learn a whole language in 3 months...you just cant! But you can nearly kill yourself trying and in doing so learn a whole like...right? Right?
I want to talk to mom and dad and get consoled by them. Is that pathetic? Accept I dont want to spend the money on a phone card...仕方がないよ. 仕方がない。(Cant be helped).
Ha besides, I already just spent frick 230.00 on an electronic dictionary. What another 20...50..500 dollars...Thats what credit cards are for...
Meep.
Could the Ring Pops have sang some self fulfilling prophecy for me? |
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[Jan. 22nd, 2007|11:34 am] |
Work at the supply company isnt all that bad. It does tire me, but with the break and lunch, its not too monotonous. I am finding the hours a bit irksome. So I am still weighing my options. I'm sure my first check will cheer me up considerably.
I have lots of errands to run...must go to bank, post office, and Katies, and all before 1:00, so I had better be off. Have a good day everyone! |
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[Jan. 15th, 2007|12:41 am] |
I am going on Weight Watchers for the next 2 months. After that, I may just follow the rules I posted earlier. The good thing is, most of my family is doing it, so it should help. What sucks is, both mom and dad keep buying these totally non-diet things (like icecream and chocolate syrup) and sticking them in the fridge. It is so self-defeating but its their house, they cant be stopped! Oh, but how that chocolate syrup calls to me...even now...
I start at MSC tomorrow. I have my gloves, ear plugs and large water bottle and asprin all set up.For some reason, my hours are 9 to 6 tomorrow.
I woke up with a terrible cold this morning. I hadnt even gotten rid of the first one. Wretched indeed. |
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| Resolutions |
[Jan. 11th, 2007|03:20 am] |
1) Have at least a 1,000 dollar IRA by next January.
I know that I need to start saving for the future. Anything money you put in an IRA before you turn thirty will really grow by the time you retire. So that is my plan. I wish I could put a loftier amount down, but my future is pretty uncertain. I will be spending a large quantity of money on school and then I dont know what sort of job I will land.
2) Pass the level two Japanese Proficiency Test.
Going to the Yamasa Institute April through June should help considerabley. But there is a huge amount of kanji I need to refresh my brain on or out right learn. Until I learn it, taking the test will be impossible because I wont be able to read it. So, I am going to assume that the school will prep be grammar and comprehension-wise. I need to discipline myself to study my kanji cards at least every other day, perhaps daily. I will have to count them out and make a plan.
3) Look good in a two peice swim suit.
Is this goal incredibley superficial or what? It comes down to a lot of things though. Part of it is the realization that I am getting older. If I dont start making changes now, things will only get worse. My metabolism is turning against me, even now.
Also, I wouldnt advertise this to people because its annoying and if you arent happy with yourself, informing other people about it is only going to make them feel uncomforatble unless you are just looking for some encouragment or something...BUt the point is, while I am not in terrible angst over my body, I do wish it was slimmer and more toned. I know that the knowlege that it isnt stops me from doing things sometimes or at the very least hacks my confidence level way down, especially where auditions are concerned. I wouldnt dream of going to Chicago and acting looking like I do now. And I dont know that that is actually what I want to do but I wont feel certain that I choosing something else for the right reasons unless taht is no longer an obstacle.
A weird thing about me is, I hate the idea of letting people know that I am trying to look good. I prefer lowered expectations, I suppose. And I have what one might call, "Discpline issues". Especially with food. I really feel afraid of diets. I really feel afraid of this goal. I am not sure that I want it passionately enough to overcome my immediate desires, habits and comforts. I can too easily convince myself that I dont care, even if its not necessarily true.
This goal of achieving an ideal body though is insidious because in our society nothing is ever good enough...you think it will be, but that never seems to be the case. So in that sense, I think I am correct it my assessment, that it really doesnt matter all that much and that if I had to choose I would rather be smart or funny or kind over good-looking but the idea I am going with is why do I make those qualities cancel out the other? Why cant they all go together? Its cowardly to be too afraid to try.
So, I am tossing around the idea of weight watchers, which is what my sister and mom and dad are doing. I do fine during the day. It not really that hard. When i fail, I fail at night. And I fail in insanely, ridiculous eating binges that i dont think I would do if I hadnt denied myself during the day. Its really odd psychlogy at work. So, I was considering just making some simple rules to abide by instead of a full fledged diet and seeing what happenes.
1) Eat breakfast.
I almost never do, but this apparently kicks starts the metabolism. Since I dont really care about breakfast it cant be really lo-cal and I still wont feel liek Im missing out.
2) Exercise.
I have been a horrible slug the past few years. I hate exersise for the sake of exersize. But I will try and exersize 2 to 3 times a week. DDR, hikes with dad, climbing with Matt are things I actually like...I'll have to think of something better than that though...I could do sit ups during commercial breaks...
3) Eat only a couple desserts a week. Eat small portions.
4) Have healthy food on hand.
I am fairly sure I have low blood sugar. Not positive, but often, when I get hungry, it comes on me suddenly and I feel ravenous. So, I need to have apples, carrots ect on hand so I dont freak and eat a block of cheese. I dont even really like cheese.
5) Stop eating late at night.
That is the hugest hurdle for me. I am hungriest at night. My schedule is really irregualr. Its often an excuse to be social late at night. And dang it, its really comfy ti sit and eat something decadent late at night when your all relaxed. but...this is no good for wearing a two peice. This is probably what is more resposible for my belly than anything. Can I stop? Ill try.
4) Have a rough draft written of my novel.
I have been scribbling and re-inventing characters and so forth for quite awhile. i angst though. I get discouraged. I feel its all been done before. But you know...I just need to write it and glean from the experience and disipline of it. I want to try my best but understand that it doesnt have to be the fienest greatsest work of my life. It is to learn the process. So. I am going to try and pln out the draft, break down chapters or scenes and then figure out how to proceed from there. Probably with writing...words...on paper...
OK, I apologize if I bored some of you with that lengthy explanation of my resolutions. Sorry that I didnt put it behind a cut...dont know how. |
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[Jan. 10th, 2007|05:39 pm] |
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I love the Imogene Heap CD. LOVE! Thank you Blaine! |
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[May. 19th, 2006|03:36 pm] |
 | You scored as Nightcrawler. Nightcrawler is a very symbolic X-Man. He is persecuted by society because of his devilish looks, but it is his faith in God that gives him strength. He is a very gentle x-man but he does know how to fight and he enjoys fencing. Powers: Teleportation
Nightcrawler | | 80% | Jean Grey | | 70% | Storm | | 65% | Colossus | | 60% | Gambit | | 50% | Iceman | | 50% | Cyclops | | 50% | Rogue | | 45% | Wolverine | | 30% | Beast | | 25% | Emma Frost | | 25% | </td>
Most Comprehensive X-Men Personality Quiz 2.0
created with QuizFarm.com |
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[Apr. 12th, 2006|02:06 pm] |
1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (first pet and current street name)
Midnight River
2. YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME: (grandfather/grandmother on mother's side first name, favorite sweet)
Rosemary Shake
3. YOUR "FLY GIRL/GUY" NAME: (first initial of first name, first two or three letters of your last name)
Mem
4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite animal, name of high school mascot)
Fox Caveman
5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, favorite city)
Rebecca Tokyo
6.YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (first 3 letters of your last name, last 3 letters of mother's maiden name, first 3 letters of your pet's name)
Emmkar Mid
7.JEDI NAME: (middle name spelled backwards, your mom's maiden name spelled backwards)
Acceber Raksohcs |
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[Nov. 15th, 2005|12:00 pm] |
I am waiting for a government agency to take me off hold...they wont keep me here forever, will they?
Le sigh. |
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[Oct. 31st, 2005|09:31 pm] |
We got the cafe. WE GOT THE CAFE. Cafe=ours.
We have an insane amount of work to do. I am really excited. |
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[Oct. 13th, 2005|01:01 am] |
Why do I have such good E-mail chemistry with people and then akward real life chemistry?!
And by people, I mean boys.
PS. Blaine, That entry, with the pen and the pants...it was great! |
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[Oct. 1st, 2005|01:46 am] |
Its September 30th. I can scarcely believe that I have only been home for two months. Japan already seems like a long time ago.
Depressing? comforting? I dont know.
This month I...well, the most major occurence of this month was writing out a business proposal. My brother (in law) told Sarah that one of the local libraries was looking for someone to run the cafe. The cafe is completely set up and beautiful, if a little small. Sarah and Robyn and I decided to try and go into business together. We worked exhaustively all month on our business proposal and I am really proud of it. If anything, this has been a great learning experience. And printed out on 100% cotton paper, it looked pretty swank. The head of the committee seemed impressed with the presentation. He said that tow other contenders had been turned in. A meeting will be held to decide the coffee shops fate on the 13th of October. I am impatient, optimistic and of course trying to be realistic and plan out other courses of action should this not work out.
Our plan for the cafe is sweet. We named it The Looking Glass Cafe after Lewis Carrols through the Looking Glass. There are all these high arched windows and a checkerboard floor and its literary...and I like Alice in Wonderland! We have a really good menu and fun ideas...Mad Hatter Tea Parties and such. Anyways guys say a prayer and cross your fingers for us!
Other occurances of note:
I got food poisening. (I swear I hate combo resterants like the Taco Bell/KFC near my house)
I went to my neice Ophelias birthday party.
I got the rest of my personal belongings that had been boxed up out of the basement.
In the irony of ironies I substitute taught Pre-Algebra and Geometry.
I have enjoyed keeping up with everyone. Write on! |
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| July |
[Aug. 15th, 2005|12:57 am] |
I forgot to make a july review.
Ok. July.
I packed all of my stuff.
I cleaned my apartment so that it looked really good for the new guy.
I moved home!
That was pretty much July. |
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[Jul. 20th, 2005|05:59 pm] |
I just read Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince: sorry, I dont know how to make cuts.
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So, first off, the half blood prince is sooooo not evil. He was acting on Dumbledore's orders. Remember the arguement?
Sucks to be him though....I think that Dumbledore knew that it was probably going to happen. So he planned to gain an advantage by it.
Horrifying though!
Also, the note on the amulet refers Voldemort as the dark lord...the only people who call him that are bad guys or former bad guys.
The initials are RAB...Regulus Black? Maybe...I dont know. The madness!
Nicely written book...the mystery of the half blood prince was not very mysterious to me, but it was fun to watch it unfold. Very fun read. Cannot WAIT for the exciting conclusion!!!
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Comments will probably contain spoilers...you have been warned!!! |
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akamori's journal